There was a time in my life when I was angry. I mean really angry. Anything and everything would set me off. Especially technology. I was never violent towards family or people, however, in my anger I destroyed a lot of things.
Eventually I realized I had a real problem. Books, talks on CD, meditation, I tried them all. Nothing helped. I destroyed laptops, chairs, so many walls that I've become an expert with sparkle and wall patches. I even destroyed a DVD player by tossing it out a window, running over it and finished it off with an axe. Don't get me started on play station controllers.
So, one day after yet another rage filled outburst I went to see a shrink. 2 sessions in and I discovered the cure, as well as the cause. My anger was the result of guilt that I had bottled up inside, frustration with my circumstances in life and a few other mental hang ups that I will reserve for a future post. Recognizing these issues didn't cure my anger, but they did help me realize I could control a lot more things in my life that added ingredients to my rage.
What was the key to helping me conquer my raging outbursts? The shrink said, “Think about how other people see you when you carry on like this.” And then it clicked. I had spent my childhood watching my father flip shit over dumb stuff all the time. I then realized how stupid my rage was and resolved to get it under control.
Now I'm not perfect, and once in a while I lose my cool, but I quickly regain control and squash my rage monster before he reveals his ugly head. Believe me, it hasn't been easy, but the thought of my daughter seeing me act like a lunatic over stupid crap isn't healthy. Most of my anger outbursts reside in my car, on the road, with horrible drivers. Nobody can hear those outbursts, since I'm usually on my own, and it has become a therapy for me.
We all have anger for different reasons, in my case it was my own stupidity. It all boiled down to being mad at me for failing myself. I had no goals, I was fat, lost and unhappy. I knew I didn't want to be that way, but I couldn't figure out how not to be. It's been a long road, and I have learned many, many lessons the hardest way possible. It even seems like I've learned the same lesson the hard way more than once. But I created goals and started knocking them out, all the things I was angry about began to melt away.
Find a reason to not be angry. Build on that.
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